Failure Again & Again

So, last night I was so hungry that I had dinner. And it wasn’t all healthy and shit either. There was quesadillas and chips and ice cream. Ugh. I felt so sick after eating too. One good thing was I didn’t eat as much as I normally do.

13 hours in again. But I’m not too hopeful about today. I’ve had a rough week. And this morning was awful. It’s not even 9am yet.

I had a run-in with a person that I hate, had to call the IRS (which is always fun), and got really mad that I owe them $350 and I don’t know why and they won’t tell me why.

I’m SO OVER being an adult right now.

My depression has been really bad lately too. I was noticing last night how difficult it was for me to just do simple things. It’s funny how it creeps up on you and all of the sudden you are drowning.

But you know what I do it make myself feel better? Food. All the food. I so don’t want to do that this time.

There are other options, of course. Yoga, exercise, meditation, eating right, sleeping… I know. I’ve heard it all. But here’s the thing: none of it is magic. It doesn’t just instantly make me feel better. And even after sticking with some of these things for a month, I still don’t feel that much different.

So, today I’m drowning myself in Diet Dr Pepper and feeling all of the feels and just letting myself feel bad. And I’m probably going to sleep all weekend too. Just because.


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